For Family Fun.. Teach Your Children to Gamble
May, 1999
Greetings ace-high sharpshooters!
It's June. We all know what this means. Our kids are paroled from school for the
summer, and it's our job as parents to provide for their summer education and
entertainment. It is especially important to raise our next generation with an
eye to the future, giving them the tools to make their way through the rocky
shoals and rough seas of life. We need to expose them to the world cautiously,
giving our own offspring a chance to experience life as it really is. Things
like.... gambling, warfare, and of course..... sex.
Where do we take our children for such things? Do we lead them to the inner city
to a bordello or some gang-infested neighborhood? Do we make a side trip to some
floating casino for a game of blackjack or video poker? Why ..... no! We don't
even need the Internet for this. We simply go to our local family fun center.
Yes! Right near my house is a training ground for the future generation,
complete with the following: indoor rides like a merry-go-round and bumper cars
for the kids, bowling for mom and dad, and of course the video arcade/ prize
gallery.
In the arcade we find some of the old games we remember, like skee-ball and
pinball and such, along with some "new attractions" such as realistic
"blood and guts" shoot 'em up action adventure games, coin -op 3-D
games honoring the occult, and games of skill such as video blackjack and poker.
Available to all ages on a Saturday afternoon. Family fun.
These arcades are furnished and decorated and the game machines are arranged
just like the video poker and slot machines in most Las Vegas casinos. The only
difference is that instead of a cashier window in the middle of the room, the
arcade has a "prize counter," where "prize tickets" are
redeemed for toys, action figures and comic books. How do the kids get the prize
tickets? By winning the games of skill and chance, of course. If you can beat
the dealer at video blackjack or poker, or drop your game token down a slot at
the right time, you can score lots of tickets. What better way to explain to
your children the blackjack 5.9% dealer's edge, or the rule of twenty ( in
blackjack, there are 1326 possible two-card combinations leading to the score of
twenty. There, now you know.) Then, after that mathematics lesson, you can drop
some tokens into another machine, hand your children an electronic gun, and let
them shoot the bad guys/monsters/dinosaurs/whatever. But don't worry. These
games are protected by a ratings system. Some are rated "mild
violence" and "some sexual content." Some even give a positive
message after the bloodbath, saying things like: "reduce, reuse,
recycle" or "winners don't use drugs", thus reinforcing the
messages they get at home and at school. So we are all safe. Hardly.
I walked with my two sons (ages four and six) through the arcade. Dozens of
other children of similar ages were playing all the games. My older son could
not walk more than five feet within that arcade without becoming mesmerized by
some game. This is the same boy that can ride a playground merry-go-round and
read a book at the same time. It seems to me that everything in that arcade is
designed to grab a child's attention and overload his senses. It is almost as if
the gaming industry is trying to start a new crop of gamblers here, kind of like
the tobacco industry and "Joe Camel."
Folks, don't get me wrong on this. I am not against all video games or
"family fun centers." There are a lot of fun (and harmless) video
games in arcades everywhere, and there are plenty of good arcades for our
children to visit (when accompanied by us). There are games that simulate
motorcycle and car racing, skiing and even riding a wave runner. There is
pinball, skeeball (my favorite!) and bowling, among dozens of others. We just
have to be very careful about what we expose ourselves and our children to,
including the food.
If only there were an antidote for the pizza.........
Gotta go, my Pepcid I.V. is running out.
Neil