From the Mailbag

February, 2012

 
 

Your comments (however strange) are always  appreciated

 

 

Every now and then, a particular item in the Read&Delete inbox proves to be something interesting.  In this case – because the true meaning is somewhat obscure, I have placed a somewhat paraphrased translation at the end.

 

From: Worldwide Who’s Who
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 1:55 PM
To:

Subject: DEADLINE APPROACHING: You’ve Been Selected for the Worldwide Who’s Who Among Executives and Profess(ionals)

Dear xxxxxxxxxx,

Recently, you received an email indicating chosen as a potential candidate to represent your professional community in the 2012 Edition of Worldwide Who’s Who.

We have yet to hear from you! Your candidacy was formally approved on January 24th, 2012.

The Publishing Committee selects potential candidates based not only upon their current standing, but focusing as well on criteria from executive and professional directories, associations, and trade journals. Given your background, the Director believes your profile makes a fitting addition to our publication.

There is no fee nor obligation to be listed. As we are working off of secondary sources, we must receive verification from you that your profile is accurate. After receiving verification, we will validate your registry listing within seven business days.

Once finalized, your listing will share prominent registry space with thousands of fellow accomplished individuals across the globe, each representing accomplishments within their own geographical area.

To ensure you are included, we must receive your verification before February 3rd. On behalf of our Committee, I salute your achievement this year and look forward to welcoming you to our association.

Warm Regards,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Translation:

This is to inform you that you’ve been selected for the 2012 edition of the World-wide Who’s Who Among Gullible Wannabee Suckers.  Our web trolling software has you flagged as a potential victim in our crappy book publishing scam. This e-mail was sent to well over 4.5 million potentially qualified listers- most of whom can’t qualify for thumb-wrestling.

There is no fee involved in your becoming listed in our ‘publication’, but if you actually want to read your name in a 6 point font on page 762 in this firestarter, you have to cough up at least 250 bucks (plus postage) to get a copy delivered to you. Granted, it might jack your jollies up a few notches to have this imitation-leather bound ego booster on your coffee table, but if you look closely at most of the other entries in the book, you will find that they too are severely limited in the gray matter department.

Although most of the lies recorded in our volume are at a level about on a par with the average retouched resume’, some people really ‘go to town on it’ – so to speak — by planting non-existent doctorate degrees and other fabricated achievements. There are more than a few ersatz Steve Jobs’ and Jonas Salks’ types listed in this tome.  One of our favorites was the guy in Shreveport who claimed to have a PhD in ‘bowling’. You just don’t meet people like that every day, thank heavens.

Our book is a riveting read if you are interested in studying cases of truly gifted delusional self-aggrandizement.   We pick up the occasional junior Josef Stalin or Blofeld along the way- people whose aspirations are totally unrestrained by reality.  If your life goal is “the total enslavement of all humanity under your crushing fist”, all we can say is, “Go for it, Lex Luthor– we’re behind you all the way— if you buy a couple of books.”

Massive egos make for not only big entertainment, but also really big bucks.   Last time we went to press we sold some ‘clients’ 3 or 4 of these phonebooks– ostensibly to give out as proof to others of their impressive achievements—  it worked— sort of—— we were impressed.

Have a nice day,  Weasel